• Andy Campbell

Are you still obsessing over your ex?

Updated: Apr 15, 2019

Are you finding yourself constantly daydreaming about your ex-partner from a previous relationship?

Depending on how involved and invested we were with our previous partner, we can often feel when that person moves on from our life that we are missing them.

When we are in a relationship with someone there are always things about them that we really like and admire and things that we dislike about them.

What can happen when that ex-partner moves on is that our mind will generalise the situation and say “I just miss that person they completed me.”

After working on this issue with clients for the last three years I have found that this isn’t the whole truth.

When we really look into it and we are really honest with ourselves we realize that we didn’t miss when they yelled at us, we didn’t miss them being a know-it-all, we didn’t miss them leaving their dirty clothes around, we didn’t miss when they were messy and we didn’t miss when they were being selfish.

So at this point we start to realize that we only really miss the parts of them that we admired or possibly where a little bit infatuated with.  

We can find ourselves still attached to those admired traits they displayed, someone who understands me, good sense of humour, his physical presence ect.

We miss those things.

As long as we continue to miss those things, our previous partner will continue to take up space and time in our mind.

So what is the solution?

Find who is displaying those traits in your life now.

From the moment the ex walks out someone else in our life will take on those traits, for example someone else will come into our life with a good sense of humour although it may be in a different form to how our ex-partner displayed that trait.

The problem is because we are too busy thinking about what we had in the past, we forget to live in the present and we don’t recognise the new form of what we thought was lost (sense of humour).

If you ask yourself that question, it’s there every time.

Who is now displaying the traits that I am missing from my previous partner, what new form are they in?

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